Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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