no, he came in my armpit
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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