Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
