we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
