he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
