Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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