You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
