How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
