I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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