1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
