I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
