This is not my ceiling
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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