i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I lost the right to judge tonight
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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