was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
