Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
