Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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