Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
