and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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