So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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