I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
