I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
