I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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