we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
