What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
