I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
