i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
