when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
