worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
