Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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