I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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