I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
