Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize