What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Michael Bay diarrhea
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
