Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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