wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The air was thick with penises
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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