white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Be still, my beating vagina.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Also, beer. Big fan.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
