There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
