Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
