I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
