Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
