oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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