Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
