You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
