It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
