i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
