Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
