I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
