wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
