Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The Olympian is in my bed
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
