remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
