Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
