I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
