I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
