I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
