Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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