I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
