i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
