So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just found puke in my bra..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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