Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
