Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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