So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize