I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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