I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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