you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
