Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
