I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
