stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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