True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You're like the curious george of whores
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
