mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
