drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize