I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The uberlube is also flammable
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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