Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
