dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
