Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
