you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize