I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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