so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
