You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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